{"id":451158,"date":"2017-10-27T12:01:35","date_gmt":"2017-10-27T18:01:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nmpolitics.net\/index\/?p=451158"},"modified":"2017-10-29T07:22:57","modified_gmt":"2017-10-29T13:22:57","slug":"men-we-must-reject-toxic-masculinity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nmpolitics.net\/index\/2017\/10\/men-we-must-reject-toxic-masculinity\/","title":{"rendered":"Men, we must reject toxic masculinity"},"content":{"rendered":"

COMMENTARY:<\/strong>\u00a0I pinched a girl\u2019s butt without her permission in the eighth grade.<\/p>\n

A friend with a devilish smile suggested I do it while the girl\u2019s back was to us. Other boys egged me on. I made a disgusting choice.<\/p>\n

The girl looked over her shoulder at me, giggled, then went back to the conversation she was having.<\/p>\n

I felt horrible. I knew it was wrong before I did it. I was raised to know better. I vowed that day never to do anything like that again.<\/p>\n

\"Heath

Heath Haussamen<\/p><\/div>\n

Toxic masculinity is a societal cancer. It pressures men to violate women and people who don\u2019t conform to society\u2019s gender norms \u2013 and violates men when they resist.<\/p>\n

In middle school, boys on my basketball team threatened to rape me with a broomstick in the locker room. I was terrified.<\/p>\n

In college a couple of young men at an evangelical retreat in the mountains were spanking other men and whipping them with towels while others laughed. I disengaged to avoid being assaulted.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been in rooms with men who, when the women left, spoke in the most degrading ways about them. Sometimes I\u2019ve called men out. Other times I\u2019ve remained silent.<\/p>\n

I haven\u2019t been in those situations often, because since the day I pinched that girl\u2019s butt I\u2019ve generally avoided all-male group hangouts. I don\u2019t like how groups of men too often act when women aren\u2019t around. And speaking out sometimes has turned the harassment on me.<\/p>\n

Society conditions men to act this way. John Eldredge\u2019s popular book Wild at Heart, which argues that God created men to be heroes and women for rescuing, pressures men to be aggressive and women passive. Hollywood\u2019s typical gender portrayals do too.<\/p>\n

How do we counter the forces that normalize oppression?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve thought a lot about this as I\u2019ve watched the #MeToo discussion grow on social media in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal. I\u2019ve seen so many women and some men share that they have been victims of sexual harassment or violence. I\u2019ve seen a handful of men proclaim \u201c#IHave\u201d \u2013 a courageous admission that they\u2019d committed acts of harassment or worse.<\/p>\n

The discussion has at times been messy. Sexual harassment and abuse is a complex and painful problem. The conversation has also been productive in shining light in a dark place \u2013 and, I hope, empowering victims and building understanding.<\/p>\n

What now? All of us \u2013 men especially \u2013 need to take a brave look at our own actions and reflect on who we want to be in this world.<\/p>\n

We all need to affirm those who tell their stories \u2013 listen, seek to understand and empathize. To those who have been sharing: Thank you for your courage.<\/p>\n

To men: Society has worked to program us since birth to act in ways that objectify, degrade and oppress women and people who don\u2019t conform to gender norms. Reject the programming. We must explore ways it has seeped into our thinking and behavior \u2013 and change. We must also speak up when we see other men act inappropriately.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been far from perfect. To the girl I touched without permission in middle school and others I\u2019ve harmed, I\u2019m so sorry. You deserve better. And for the times I\u2019ve observed vile behavior in silence, I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n

I want a better world for my daughter, my girlfriend, her daughter, and all who\u2019ve been victimized or are at risk in the future.<\/p>\n

Men, it\u2019s up to us to choose that world. Let\u2019s do it.<\/p>\n

Heath Haussamen<\/a>\u00a0is NMPolitics.net\u2019s editor and publisher.\u00a0Agree with his opinion? Disagree? We welcome your views. Learn about submitting your own commentary\u00a0here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Toxic masculinity is a societal cancer. It pressures men to violate women and people who don\u2019t conform to society\u2019s gender norms \u2013 and violates men when they resist.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":383420,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1192,10],"tags":[3571],"class_list":["post-451158","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-commentary","category-haussamen-columns","tag-gender"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nmpolitics.net\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/451158","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nmpolitics.net\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nmpolitics.net\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nmpolitics.net\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nmpolitics.net\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=451158"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nmpolitics.net\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/451158\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nmpolitics.net\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/383420"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nmpolitics.net\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=451158"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nmpolitics.net\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=451158"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nmpolitics.net\/index\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=451158"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}