Michael Swickard
There are concerns that bullies may be getting worse in our society, especially in public schools, than they were in years gone by. The topic of bullies is on the “radar” of many people.
Despite my size now, I was smaller than most children because of my late August birthday which made me the youngest and smallest every year.
Question: How do we distinguish between “normal” adolescent male behavior and the behavior of bullies? There are some “Boys will be boys” types of interactions that no rules or punishments will change, and then there is going too far. What is the difference between picking on someone and being a bully?
When I was first in junior high, the ninth graders picked on us seventh graders mercilessly. Like waitresses at a busy restaurant, the teachers at the school tried hard to not watch too closely while walking down the hallways lest they have to do extra paperwork. Despite appearing to know about bullies, the school personnel were just as ineffective at protecting us as they were at educating us. They were always looking the other way.
Also, there were some teachers who were busy with their own emotional battery, such as, “People, this problem is not that hard. Michael, did you bring your brain with you today?” I blushed and was struck dumb by the question.
Later, while pounding on me, a ninth grade bully taunted me with the same question. How did this happen? I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. But it followed many years of aggression by the bigger boys and was just a part of school life for the smaller and less-aggressive students.
Standing up to Big Eddie
Then one ninth-grade bully, Big Eddie, decided that to be personally fulfilled he had to slug 50 seventh graders each and every day. There was an academic component because he had to learn to count to 50, which he did rather quickly. Us seventh graders no longer got pounded once in a while; instead, it was every day in every way that we were pounded, pounded and pounded.
Again, a few times a day was taken in stride but this was over the top. Realizing we were on our own, five of us seventh graders formed an alliance. At first, this alliance was just a way to blow off steam. We decided on the alliance after Big Eddie walked up and gleefully whacked each of us right under the nose of a teacher. Since the teacher was smaller than Big Eddie, no attention was paid to what happened. Big Eddie simply smirked as he continued searching for other poundees.
The alliance sat in the back of the class during the next period and passed notes about our plans. Meanwhile, the English teacher droned on about the joys of writing. Suddenly, we found ourselves in the principal’s office for the offense of writing notes. The principal told us to shape up and sent us back to class.
At lunch the next day, we formalized the alliance with a spit pact that if any of us were attacked we would all jump in. Five minutes later we had a chance to test the pact when Big Eddie came running toward us because he only had 47 poundees that day and needed three more to make his target of 50. We told him that we were not going to take it anymore. He tried to hit one of us so we all jumped on him. Since we had him down he promised to quit the pounding.
The next day Big Eddie found two of us by ourselves. He immediately started beating on me. The other boy did jump in to help. Though it was nip and tuck, we managed to stop him. For the rest of the year our alliance stopped Big Eddie most of the time.
I do not know if the bullies are worse these days. Also, I never really thought about whether it was just boy behavior or the act of a bully. We banded together to stop whichever it was. Maybe that approach is what we should teach our children to do.
Swickard is co-host of the radio talk show News New Mexico, which airs from 6 to 9 a.m. Monday through Friday on a number of New Mexico radio stations and through streaming. His e-mail address is michael@swickard.com.