Michael Swickard
I have been trash-talking with my government this last week to explore the concept of inhabitable abodes. There is a difference between what is an inhabitable abode if provided to “disadvantaged” people by a government agency and what is inhabitable for tax purposes.
Many years ago my now elderly uncle inherited his father’s “ranch.” It is all fence and no cattle. My grandfather wanted to live far enough away from his neighbors to not hear their dogs bark. It is quite remote.
What caught my attention is an ordinance in that county requiring the owners of every livable house, occupied or empty, to pay a trash fee of about $20 a month. My grandfather burnt his trash and buried the remains downwind of the ranch house.
The house was built in 1907 and for many years did not have running water, sewer or electricity – not to mention phone and cable, which it never had. By the time I was a kid it had wind-powered water, an outhouse and a sometimes-working cesspool tied to an inside convenience. Propane replaced firewood, which was a blessing. Later came electricity.
The outhouse, for those who have grown up sheltered, was a two-seater. It was not intended for two people to hold hands while engaged in a normal function; rather, there were two sizes of seats to accommodate human variability. It also had flies, spiders and a distinctive odor.
My grandparents were annoyed that my photographer father thought it a hoot to get their outhouse in every picture. I may be giving more information than some readers desire.
Uninhabitable
Anyway, the old ranch house has not had occupants since when Nixon was president. Over the years it has reposed back to no water, bathroom, propane and, worse, has become home to swarms of bees who aggressively defend their dwelling.
The house is not inhabitable except to the government. In a phone conversation with several nice people last week I came to the very edge of my sensibility when asked directly, “Could someone live there?”
“Sure,” I replied honestly, “As long as it does not take much to please them.”
“Then it is inhabitable. The ordinance is clear on this point,” I was told.
I had an hour of spirited but respectful conversation. It occurs to me that there are two core questions: First, why assess empty houses with a trash fee, and, what constitutes “livable?”
One person settled the first point, “We need the money.” But I had trouble with the second question because it is a judgment call as to the bare necessities of “livable” abodes.
Imagine the outrage by housing activists if the government intended to provide this “inhabitable” house to the “poor.” In fact, if a government worker handed the front door key and an old Sears catalog to someone qualified for housing assistance, they would never live there.
About all the old ranch house is good for is that it might make an interesting setting for a reality show, “Survivor: primitive living conditions.” It has been “location scouted” by a major star doing a movie in the area. The externals of the house may be used if the bees are tamed.
What constitutes an abode
You may wonder why my uncle does not pour tens of thousands of dollars into the old ranch house. The answer is that he has a new house about a quarter mile away with all of the modern amenities. That was why I was on the phone talking trash to the government last week.
My uncle gladly pays his trash fee for his new house, though he is only there a day or two a month since he is turning 84 this next week (Happy Birthday uncle) and does not travel from Las Cruces quite as much as when he was younger.
So what is our complaint about the old ranch house? It is only an extra $240 a year for absolutely no service each and every year. The house, which cannot be lived in, is considered livable for tax purposes because they need money.
What bothers me more than anything else is that people wrote those ordinances with little or no thoughts about what constitutes an abode.
Swickard is a weekly columnist for this site. You can reach him at michael@swickard.com.
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