America set to go completely tipless

© 2007 Michael Swickard, Ph.D.

The next social engineering change from your equal opportunity government is that discretionary tipping in America must be stopped. According to equal rights proponents it fosters discrimination. The tipper decides whether or not to tip, often based upon bigotry.

These proponents want the tip embedded in the cost of the meal so that it is not discretionary and no one can further racism by not tipping. However, in no way are they trying to reduce money to servers. In fact, they say this measure will assure servers of a dependable tip rate rather than the vagaries that they now face with all of the discrimination in our world.

Evidently, research highly suggests that two people working at the same restaurant routinely make different amounts of tips. The fairness-in-tips doctrine states that every server should make the same amount in tips. Of course, there is also the problem of different restaurants having different tip rates. The equal opportunity people say it is not fair that a waitress at Hooters should make more from tips than waitresses at less-endowed eateries.

At first I thought those proposing this were being humorous, but these people are serious about their cause. They say 72 percent of missed or inferior tips reflect not forgetfulness, or people tight with their money, but people who tip based on unacceptable social prejudices.

It would seem to me that most non-tipping or under-tipping reflects a certain cheapness. At one time in my life I worked mainly for tips while pursuing a career as a folk guitar player and singer. Luckily, I did not starve to death, but most of my tips were written on napkins.

Tipping in America is not currently mandatory except for large parties of people who sit together. Normally, people decide for themselves if they are going to tip and how much. There are tipping guides but, when it comes to the actual tip, we are all on our own best behavior.

The problem, it seems, is that servers must serve all parties without knowing which ones will tip or not. So they have a quandary as to their decision to spit in the food if they think the person is not going to tip. In fact, it brings out the prejudices of servers. So we foster not only bigotry in tippers but also bigotry in servers. This bigotry is not making our nation great.

As to which person will tip, if it is a repeat customer then the servers know whether to be nice or naughty based on that person’s tip history. But what do they do with first-time customers? The servers can only rely on their own prejudices, and your government is determined to stamp out the blight of prejudice in our population.

Your government is not asking your opinion

What is pointed out is that people who suck up to the rich get more tips than people who scorn the rich. Rich people are even instantly forgiven for boorish behavior based upon the anticipation of a tip. That is not right, according to equal-rights people. Rich boorish behavior is not any better than regular boorish behavior and should not be treated differently even if a Franklin is placed in the tip jar. To stamp out boorish behavior, tips must be eliminated.

I spoke with one person who is pushing for the complete elimination of this discriminatory practice. “It may seem harmless to put a tip of a few bucks on a table after a meal, but it allows evil people to actively operate their agendas of hatred.”

Wow, I thought I was just popping money down somewhat in the Chinese concept of joss or the American idea of doing things to increase your luck. Many times I know I will not ever be back so tipping today will not benefit me in the future. People say it is our duty to help the less fortunate, but there is no tipping at McDonalds.

Some say that the letters “tip” were inscribed on a box placed prominently in 18th century English coffeehouses and stood for “to insure promptness.” The issue I take with that is to customers who went to the coffeehouse and were dissatisfied with service, their usual action was to frequent other coffeehouses that were faster on the delivery. It was incumbent upon the coffeehouse owner to satisfy the customer to get repeat business.

I am concerned with this move for two reasons. First, discrimination will not be legislated out. It will die off and new generations will embrace harmony on its own. Plus, I do see a difference in the way servers take my order and bring my food. If there is no financial incentive for this fidelity, I am afraid the service will erode.

But your government is not asking your opinion; it is telling you what to do. Soon tipping will be a thing of the past and we will all be better-behaved citizens. Incidentally, as a columnist I am not asking nor expecting a tip for this wonderful column since we all know that there is absolutely no tipping of newspaper columnists.

Swickard is a weekly columnist for this site. You can reach him at michael@swickard.com. In case you were wondering, he’s kidding about the government wanting to regulate tipping in restaurants, but used this fictional scenario to illustrate the problem with too much government intervention.

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