An unusual attack of the clevers

Michael Swickard

Michael Swickard

Cell phone texting while driving is the newest “Darwinism” moment in a long line of things people have done that are beyond stupid and only of benefit to the undertaker.

Politicians have responded by trying to make stupidity illegal. Next up is prohibiting text-driving.

Accidents happen while drivers are texting, so politicians have made a prejudicial, sweeping generalization. Despite evidence to the contrary, they think a new law will force people to not be stupid: “They made text-driving illegal so I will not do it!”

Keep dreaming. Speeding is illegal, yet people disregard those laws every day. More laws against speeding will not change willful drivers.

Something interesting is the fact that some drivers can drive and text safely, while for others it is the last thing they ever do. Likewise, some drivers can speed safely for a lifetime.

Teach people how to text and drive safely

So I had an unusual attack of the clevers about what society should do instead of outlawing stupidity. Some drivers are unsafe in most situations and crash often. Other drivers speed and text while holding hot coffee. And they do so safely year after year.

Which drivers do we want on the roads — those who follow the laws but crash often, or those scofflaws who nevertheless drive safely? To me it is an easy choice. It is not about the police writing tickets to fund local government. Our core need is driving safety; thus, our focus should be increasing driver skills so these drivers are safe despite any proclivities to be stupid.

Why not create a “Clever School” to teach drivers how to text and drive safely? They will do it anyway. Likewise, we are better off teaching citizens how to drive fast and safe. Our efforts should be on increasing driver competence, like pilots constantly work on honing their skills.

Teach them how to deal with a burning cigar that has fallen somewhere on their lap. Help them develop strategies to assess the dangers outside the car or burning… well, you know what.

When I started driving, my car had no radio. I put in an 8-track tape system and would fish around in a box of tapes trying to read the labels, even at night. Legislators never considered making 8-track label reading illegal, but had they, I would have ignored them because I was young and could only listen to Tony Orlando and Dawn so long.

The king of distractions back in the 1970s was the CB radio. We turned the dials from one band to another and held the microphone in one hand while saying, “Breaker breaker for that Dusty Deming Duck, what’s your 20 good buddy?”

We survived those distractions. But we might have done much better if we could have been taught increased driving competence, such as crisis management for the cigar-in-the-lap situational awareness test, which I personally experienced.

For new drivers, not running over the curb is a major challenge, but they still text-drive because they are operating with immature minds. So, until the fad goes away, it would be better to send them to The Las Cruces Clever School For Drivers Who Do Risky Things (TLCCSFDWDRT — don’t try to pronounce it) so they become better drivers.

Work to increase citizen driving competence

I do not text or speed. Over 40 years and a million miles, I have driven without a collision, perhaps thanks to my guardian angel. I now drive carefully and smoothly, ever vigilant to potential dangers.

As a consultant in the New Mexico public school districts, I drive over 800 miles a week, all in New Mexico. I see many drivers who have exceeded their competence and need a driving school to increase their driving skills much more than they need a ticket.

My sister said, “Texting will not be the last distraction. Something else is bound to come along. Personally, I am hoping for in-dash microwaves for hot coffee and popcorn.”

Are we going to make them illegal? I would hope our leaders take a different approach to this problem. They should work constantly to increase citizen driving competence.

It could help those young drivers who are going to ignore the laws against stupidity, as we did when we were young and stupid.

Swickard is a weekly columnist for this site. You can reach him at michael@swickard.com.

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